Tales of Nonagon (Nonagon Series Book 1)

By Olive Winterleaf

Comedy & satire, Magical realism, General fiction

Paperback, eBook

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524
1 mins

 

Chapter 1
(The New Era)

Upon a vast arrangement of golden chairs sat the most prestigious arses in the Queendom of Angleland. And upon the most golden of all the chairs sat the biggest arse of them all: Dr Hector Pork-Rind, MA, PhD, FRCAH, RSB, also known as the Supreme Director of the Imperial University of Nonagon Museum of Artefactual Objects. It was one of the world’s most prestigious university museums.

Pork-Rind would soon be giving his greatest speech to date. Only, he did feel somewhat queasy.

Could it be the sumptuous nine-course banquet that had been paraded in front of all the patrons and guests to celebrate the opening of the newly remodelled museum? He thought not.

Perhaps it was nerves. But he put that theory to one side too. He had never been nervous before a speech and it was unlikely that he was starting now, even if it was for the most illustrious moment in his career.

And yet, as the time neared, his queasiness increased.

His face ashen, his eyes blank, he glanced at his wife. Without a word, he rose from his ostentatiously ornate dining chair and headed for the nearest toilet.

In the gilded mirrors, his comb-over was in disarray and his face had acquired a green tinge. He stumbled towards the new gleaming gold-plated urinals. Pork-Rind fumbled urgently for the fly on his trousers. Having finally gained access, he proceeded to urinate. He frowned, as he perceived what should have been a clear yellow liquid. Instead, it was bright green and cloudy. He winced as beads of pale green sweat that had collected on his wrinkled forehead, wormed their way down into his tiny eyes. His porcine snout had the sensation that something was about to leak from it. Suddenly, he was gripped by a spasm of intense pain, finally collapsing on the marble floor, in a puddle of his own abnormal fluid...



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