Diary of a Canadian Nobody

By Paul James

Comedy & satire, Literary fiction, General fiction

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Tuesday January 8, 2002:

Transformation is delayed -- again. We are going to be transformed by March 31; a ‘challenging’ schedule says senior management in the buzzword of the week. 'Impossible' says everyone else. I’ve heard of companies where the employees play Buzzword Bingo, a game you win by collecting management clichés. That would be no good here; no game would last more than one announcement and everyone would win -- except communication and the English language, of course.

Lydia joined me in the gym again today and I have to say I have never caused such a stir in the gym before; all eyes were on me -- well, us. Lydia’s tight spandex shorts and sports bra (left breast and thigh checked and approved by Nike) may have had something to do with it. (Why didn’t Nike like the right ones? They appear equally exquisite to me.) Women are always complaining about men staring at them and I got a sense of that today. However, I can’t help feeling this is a two-way conversation. Even in my own modest experience, I find whenever I look at a woman in the street, or wherever, she’s invariably looking right back at me. Lydia may not have actually spoken words to the men in the gym but her message was loud enough for them all to hear.

Took Lance to Ski Club. Normal kids who join the school Ski Club travel with the rest of the club on the bus. Lance, however, despite prompting from us to join didn’t and now needs a ride there and back. He says they told him it was to be Wednesday night, which was his hockey night, so he didn’t join. Then, when they changed it to Tuesday night, they said it was for older kids only. Then, when they didn’t get enough older kids and opened it up to everyone, he didn’t hear about it till too late. In previous years, Lance had complained about the buses and the ski lessons, both of which he misses with this arrangement, so I’m very suspicious.

Alys and Gwen are friends again, joined in sisterly indignation against the wickedness of callous men, otherwise known as me. Gwen has decided I don’t care what happens to her, I only care about Lance. Alys is sure I don’t care about any of my family and they went off to shop their hurt away.



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